Sunday, January 23, 2011

Epic Meals: Cue the locusts: Epic Meal Time signals the Apocalypse is truly upon us.

The Angels have sounded their trumpets. “Turkey!  Then meat glue!  The seared duck!  Then meat glue!  And bacon strips!  And bacon strips!  And bacon strips!  And bacon strips!!”
Thus spoke the horseman of the apocalypse a.k.a. Epic Meal Time, a Montreal-grown YouTube sensation that is gluttony made manifest.  The concept?  A group of young jackasses make the kind of food you end up making when you’re blackout drunk.  A house made of meat, stuffed with cheese?  Check.  A pizza topped with hamburgers, covered in cheese?  Check.  A deep-fried baguette, filled with hot dogs and poutine, and - you guessed it - cheese?  Check.

The formula is simple: in a series of short YouTube videos, the boys concoct their monstrosities over an ominous soundtrack.  All the while, a calorie-counting ticker runs alongside the action, gleefully counting up way into the tens and tens of thousands, just in case you thought this was in any way low-fat.  They then sit down with a group of others to consume their vomit-inducing repasts, in extreme close-up.  Copious amounts of booze invariably accompany the meal.  At the end of the nightmare, one of the jackasses stares defiantly into the camera and says, “Next time, we eat a ____ “(insert whatever word you want here, it’s become increasingly meaningless).  

And the formula is working:  Epic Meal Time is an internet sensation. They are featured nationally on CBC radio, profiled glowingly in local Montreal media (The Gazette, The Mirror) and are the subject of seemingly infinite hero worship on various online discussion forums.  Epic Meal Time seemingly proves two things: people like to be grossed out, and the “extreme junk food” trend has peaked, and permeated the mainstream consciousness.
When asked why they do this, EMT invariably answers, “Why not?”  In the absence of a better explanation, allow this blog to suggest the reason why this is obvious - these morons are complete fame whores who will do anything for their 15 minutes of fame on the internet.  Tragically, their fame whoring ways are proving successful.
In a world where half of the planet is starving, sign if the apocalypse, and the other half is facing an obesity epidemic, there is something truly obscene about these fools and their revolting cuisine.  Sadly for sane foodies everywhere, Epic Meal Time isn’t going away anytime soon.
Perhaps the only possible end to the EMT craze lies within the inherent limitations of their formula.  How many different meat/cheese/bread/booze combos can these guys possibly come up with before it gets repetitive and old (some would argue that point has already come and gone)? Surely at some point, EMT will run out of ideas, we are waiting for the Pizza Wallbanger as a sure sign, and their 15 minutes will expire, restoring sanity to the world. Until that blessed day, expect these twits to keep on cranking out videos featuring bacon-juice milkshakes, and try to avert your eyes.

-- Jazz

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